I was running errands today and saw a company minivan emblazoned with branding. The company ‘s name is PETS. Thier tag line is “PETS for pets.” PETS stands for Personal Enrichment Training and Services. I don’t know what they do, but i think it has something to do with obscenely rich people’s pampered shitzus.

But what does PETS mean? As a whole, it means absolutely nothing. But look at each element individually and we get a different story. “Personal,” well that means it for me, its something I can build a relationship with, its something that makes me feel listened to and cared about, so this is a good warm fuzzy start. “Enrichment,” well who doesn’t want to be enriched? If being rich is good, then getting EN-riched means getter richer, and getting richer is better. And food that’s enriched is always better for you, so this sounds good too. “Training,” well I want to be a better me and training is the way to do, and hey, I’ll bet these people with the branded minivan are just the folks to train me. “Services,” mean they are here to serve me, I will be thier king and they my minions, I will be a strict by benevolent king and they will make me feel as big as I truly deserve to feel. And I love my pets, so this is all good–sign me up damn it!!

I still have no clue what they actually do. But it doesn’t matter. Meanings are irrelevant. This is a kind of marketese beat poetry, where the whole is entirely meaningless. What matters are the rythmic flows and elocution of each particular vague connotation that blends into a single vapourous, seductive sense impression.

This gibberish is by design much much less than the sum of its parts–it is a counter-gestalt