So I just ate my very first Krispy Kreme today. I’ve never had one before, and I thought I should do it soon before the company goes completely under.

Results: it was completely, absolutely, truly awful. It had the sort of unpleasant high-pitched faux sweetness you usually get from an excess of saccharin. It was so sweet it was almost bitter. It left my ears ringing. And the dough was a triumph of blandness. It was the flavor equivelent of Garfield or Dave Matthews. It was decidedly soft and squishy, but i wouldn’t call it fresh. It was fresh in the same way WonderBread is fresh.

I’m glad I had the experience of (partially) eating a Krispy Kreme donut, but I will never, ever intentionally do it again.